And More Gigggle Worthy Texts

-Texts that light up my little life...

1. "This nigga who is supposedly talkin to my coworker

WHO IS PRESENT who keeps tryin to touch me and tellin

me to free my mind. Nigga I will fuckin kill you"

2." At the bar by the gal from the white spot"

3. "I have 2 bottles of wine. U can bum one"

4. "We're at southe dekalb to see the black santa and when

we walk up ___ says loudly, "He's supposed to have

a white face!!!"

5.Lol. I told...hold on lil buddy. I need to go free myself

before we do this lil dance, you and me"

"Why is there a dentist office by the nail shop

and the presiding dentist is Dr. Precious Crawford Okeke"

6. "Lol. You should have seen him. He was outside

freezing walking on his tippy toes"

7. "Nigggggaaaaaa!!!! They sale liquor at the rite aid!!"

I Sure Didnt See Any Mistletoe

Christmas has come and gone again....so fast.. too soon. But all is well, I suppose, as I thought I had reached that age when Christmas begins at 4:00 pm, instead of 6:00 am...and your parents say Merry Christmas and that's all. Perhaps, if youre lucky, you get an ugly pair of socks...or a book. But that's all. So I made it through another year with presents under the tree. yay.

I've been having a ball. I've been through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and my grandmother's birthday (which is it's own holiday, pretty much)...with just one massive headache and inability to keep down food. I'm getting good.

RANDOM: My right cheekbone is killing me, as I was drunkishly in the club and got punched in the face in the midst of some madness.... but the best part is that I was punched by a man. Sucks... uber.

Okay, I've also been wondering... what's the science behind creating a telephone number? Because sometimes, I'd even go as far to say often, telephone numbers are similar, based on their geographic location...or neighborhood....or cell phone provider. I'm just curious who's behind these creations.

And these are things that have made me laugh:

-" I just be at home. I be chiefing. I gotta flatscreen"

-anonymous

-"Yea, I'm still drinking. I weigh 135...all I gotta do is go

to the bafroom...like 5 times...maybe 6"

-anonymous

-i stole all my christmas gifts this year...and I felt

bad and shit...but its like...damn..its christmas"

-anonymous

-"That shit be fye..it be like a real life entourage...but wit niggas"

-anonymous

**FAVORITE TEXTS OF THE MOMENT**

who doesnt love a good text?

-"Lets Party"

-..."And girl this fine ass nigga works in stock. Girl he is absolutely breathtaking"

-"Bitch alost arrrresterd"

-"Yeeeeesss mufucccccccccccccckkkkkkkaaaaa cherry rum is the fuckin shittttttt"

-Sent out a fuckin sos msg to ny and becky and becky ended up havin a super fuckin maxi pad."

-This woman on the bus wants me to become a school counselor and a zeta "its the only way to go". She also informed me that I should work at this one particular school in pg and speak with a man named homer in the human resources department bc "he cool"

-"I never go more than two days without bathing".

-"ur a dirty cunt and ima slap u in the face in public"

-"Dont try to use your moldy puss as incentive"

-"I see now that your gonna be the parent who doesnt discipline"

-lol. Beer. BEEEERRR!!!'

FAVORITE BY A LANDSLIDE

-" I KAN SPELL. HOUSEHOLD TERMS. YOUR MOMS PUSSY SMELLS LIKE PIGEON BATH WATER"

Nestled in the Lap of Luxury

I'm home now....ahhhh..home. It never dawns on me how peasant like my life actually is until I come home. It's the small things that do it for me; my parents have a freaking basket for holding multiple onions. I have a bag, and make the one onion last for a week. Their regrigerator is stocked with a bunch of shit...most of which they probably never touch. My poor little fridge holds at the most 4-5 items per shelf, and you can see straight to the back of it.I woke up this morning... well afternoon and went downstairs and pondered for many moments what I was going to drink: water, schweppes ginger ale or some exotic island ginger ale, crangrape, pepsi, fruit punch,or HI C orange. At home, I have to pray the entire walk to the kichen for a small sip of something, usually to be met with a trip to Rite Aid with a change purse and buying ONE beverage. (which must last all night....maybe into the morning) There are a plethora of HD movie channels in this place and watching TV here makes the thought of watching TV on such an average screen without High Def almost unfathomable. There are so many hallways, and stairwells to walk up and down. There are so many sofas and chair and places to sit. There are mirrors everywhere. And house phones (odd). And rooms to play in. And pictures to look at. And books to read. (I love reading at home)..there are no sirens, just crickets and birds. There are trees out of my windows, instead of shanty city houses and buildings. I have neighbors who I can't play pattycake with through our windows. I can sit outside on the steps, or on the back porch. There's a garage so i don't have to run everytime I want to go to my car. Having a driveway is pretty awesome, as well.
So this is what families are made of, I suppose. Taking your peasant college life and turning it into just the opposite. I am determined to be the anti-peasant. And little do Sweet Paul and George know, I'm taking all of the herbs and spices and seasonings and parishable items that I can back with me. muhaha!

PS. So my brother has dogs.. one boy and one girl. And I suppose they're semi attracted to one another now. Anyway, I took them out today and they began to have intercourse...right in front of me. I picked up a brisk jog to stop them, and they continued to pound and thrust until I MADE them stop. It's just so strange that animals can just bone....anywhere. They don't care who sees. They don't care about how long they can get it in. They don't care what gender they stick it to. They just absolutely do not care. So Ive concluded that animals are all about the nut. Which is so disturbing because they sit on my lap and I rub them and coo at them and think how little and cute they are. When lo and behold, I may have dog cum dripping down my legs because the little whores just sex one another at whim. ugh. disgusting.

Checking One Bag at a Time

Still in the airport...I hate delays...but still love the scenery.

-Man in front me...kick it old school and invite your pants on a coastal trip down to party with the top of your shoe...and until you do, sit down and pull the pant leg up so that no one can tell that you're wearing your daughters pants.

-its so interesting to see and hear people use their smartphones for their intended purpose. The man next to me also has a blackberry and is emailing and texting and phoning about business ventures...and I'm doing the exact opposite.

-this guy clearly masturbated in the bathroom. Sir, button ur pants and belts. And splash cold water on your face as not to reveal to the world that u r in fact hot and bothered.

-Okay businessman next to me, pop a halls or hold your breath, but the barking and croaking will not cut it with seats this close together. Ok seriously now.

-muhaha...little lady, you aren't actually running, you're just wasting energy to make it seem as though you really are gaining momentum. Alas, you missed your flight.

-theres also the one fabulous....wait coughing fella next to me...u are not singing now are you? Oh yes...yes you are. But yes, there's always the elderly, black, absolutely fucking fabulous woman in the airport. She has arrived. Untouchably perfect hair, bad ass suit, (I mean baaaaaad) stilettos,..with her old fabulous strut, Louis speedy and luggage to match. No biggie.

-There are a few Pats in the airport...man? Woman? I really don't know.

-lol...some (also...everyone in the airport is TINY today...except for those 8 ft twins) small fella with black patent leather shoes and white socks cussing about "some motherfuckin body better get me from the damn airport. I'm not--what??? I'm NOT TAKIN NO FUCKIN CAAAB!"
I love when people cuss through clenched teeth. It makes the experience all the more better for me.


Ok..its time for me to perform a spectacle for others to blog about. I'm all for giving back.

"I'm coming home again"

the Joy and Airport Brings

Sitting in the airport with cramps sucks...it actually more than sucks, but the sights inside an airport terminal are priceless. I may actually start visiting airports when I'm bored.

SIGHT 1: Typical...there's always at least one calm, fragile mother with a bad spawn of satan child. And that family is right behind me. The little boy is probably around 3 or 4. Since I've had the pleasure of staring at him, he has removed his pants, slapped his mother (not playfully), announced to the heavens in a monster voice how he has to shit (yes shit..not poopy..or number 2)...now he's taking evrything out of his little bookbag and throwing it around the gate, followed by a full sprint off into the distance. And his mother is still sitting here. I wonder if she realizes that he's gone.

SIGHT 2: Some type of sailor.. The ones with the cute outfits... Fitted pants that slightly flare... Well this guy seemingly fell atop a razor and destroyed his neat little buzz cutt. Poor thing. He looks like its disturbing him too. I guess they can't wear caps.

SIGHT 3: the terrors mother is now frantically looking for her son...which wouldn't be funny....but I know where he is. Maybe I should help the little lady out.

SIGHT 4: text from an un named boy in all boy fashion.. "What exactly is ivory..colorwise?" Awww. That's cute.

SIGHT 5: The fact that booty never gets old to men. They..all of them, specifically in this case an elderly, white haired, white man break their necks to watch my jeeks rumble. (He unlike others, however, has slow reaction time and still stares when I've glanced back.)

Last sight before I get on some tuneage: A little cute old lady..with the sweetest voice and cutest little eyes. I'm positive that she has a bosom full of peppermint and a sock full of change. She chatted me up about everything for about 15 minutes and then pulled her iPod out. Oh what I would do to see her playlist.
I heart the elderly.

I am What I am

I AM

-a lefty

-a devout CPK, Olive Garden, Chipotle, Ruth's Chris, Lauriol Plaza, Jameelah's kitchen eatery fan

- Somewhat afraid of the dark, but only at my parents house.

-always hot...ALWAYS

-a party girl.. whole heartedly

-a hippie in many ways.. I walk around barefoot at home (def not DC), I'm down to try most things.....and I wouldn't be opposed to wearing long skirts that drag in the dirt

-Very nice.. I don't get credit for that one too often.. but I am.. I think

-A lover of the English language

-100% mommies girl..100% daddy's girl

-extremely tall.. actually the tallest person in my family.. and the youngest.

- a scrapbooker..

-deathly allergic to seafood... I don't even know what fish tastes like.. I've only had it once.

-a nerd at heart

- a former token... thank jesus for my HU brethren..

- the driver in the car that stops traffic to try to catch any glimpse of anything that resembles a crime

scene.

-horrible at managing money

-a cusser... profanity is clearly my first language

--tired of thinking of things that I am, and will let you guess the rest.

I hope your llist is awesome. :)

Mirror, mirror

Tonight, I was perusing my facebook pictures. I must admit that I was under the influence, as I am now. But, I realized that the face that is in the pictures i so unfamiliar to me. I had over 500 opportunities to say, "oh, that looks like me", but I never did. I dont know if everyone has this revelation when seeing themselves in print or pictures, but it disturbed me. 

From then, I evaluated what my thoughts are when I look in the mirror. I do look in the mirror everyday; to attempt to manufacture what I am supposed to look like when I leave my house. from this revelation came many thoughts.

FIRST THOUGHT:

- I always say that I am waaaaaay prettier in Atlanta than I am in DC.  Is that, in fact, because the mirrors in ATL altered my perception? Maybe I'm just more confident in ATL because I'm removed from a place where girls have to compete with one another.

SECOND THOUGHT

-How do we know that mirrors actually depict our reality/ Whomever created mirrors could have very well tweaked them to show us with larger noses... or bigger lips....or more squinty eyes. 

It seems like an absurd thing to think about, but it bothers me to think that the tool in which I have relied on for so long,  to show me how the world views me, may not be accurate.

So, it may be a national upset that mirrors serve little to no purpose. What actually is the purpose of reflection? from a mirror, of course.

A Chat With Socrates

Carl: 

So what's up cuz cuz?

Brandi:

nothing...taking a break from these dumb ass finals

and ive rediscovered love

yay

what r u up to?

Carl: 

First Off Love IS Gay And Over rated.

Second I'm lookin for Car Parts

Brandi:

Awwwww... y do u hate love?

Carl:

Why Not. You Give your heart to someone What happens it gets hurt one way or another

Brandi:

its ok tho

what doesnt kill u makes u stronger

i need for u to cheer up.... immediately

Carl:

Thats not always true. That statement was made on a physical aspect.... you get weaker mentally, you lose your courage and confidence

Brandi:

I don't think so.... but i like the depth of that statement... philosophize with me for a moment... if u dont die, u live, and whether u make the conscious decision or not...living is strength

it doesnt say whatever doesnt kill u makes u happy.... but u are still alive..

and isn't life the ultimate goal?

Carl:

Not if your gonna go through life weak. If I can't function why not beg for death. Happiness is the ultimate goal, life is already there you just have to maintain it.

Brandi:

Aw.. i stand corrected. that was beautiful.

As dismal as this conversation about turned ended up... and as glad as I am that i don't have to worry about that... it is true, I suppose. Who says that the things that come after giving your heart to someone always make you stronger?I am grateful to say that for the most part, i gave my heart to one of the good guys, but i do feel deep sorrow for people who have to patch their hearts back together.... but if you need tape.. or just need extra ammunition to assist in the demise of a heartbreaker... I'm here for you. lol.. but really.

Tickle Me Pizza....That Isn't Delivered.

Me and Mr. became parents today...to a little black pitbull named Tristan... affectionately called T-baby by his daddy.

I woke this morning to a delightful little, ego stroking text message:

"New drunken fetish: reading mindovamatta as my eyes get lower and lower, I love it, oddly as much as I know u, reading your personal memoirs makes me feel all the more close to you...I'm pretty gone so I don't know how homo that sounded, but yea"

We went to the movies last night, but clearly the tequila shots, brown liquor, and heated theatre were just a deadly combo for sleep. So...we slept. The beginning of the movie was giggle worthy, tho.. definately. I heart Vince Vaughn... really.

But as lubber and I attempted to nap comfortably, it became more and more evident that movie theatres need re-vamping...so we're going to take on that task.. and become mega millionaires in the process.

And drum roll please for my random thought for the day.... or this post..

I think that in driving school, prospective drivers should allocate and establish certain horn honks for certain things. It just seems so pointless to have one sound that could mean so many things, but drivers pay for. And what if I'm honking, "Hey..your baby is really cute, but smearing boogers on your window and I just thought you should know..have a great day".. and in return another driver honks back "Please help me, I'm being abducted and they're using the baby as a distraction". I would never know. And this is sad.

Okay....

"Put your kiss on my face lover"

SO NOT IN THE FRIDAY MOOD

Damn him for this Frat lifestyle...great nap, great other shit...and then the streets called...

I miss the parentals..they are pretty much the most stellar pair of polar opposites to grace any hemisphere.

They, much like the sibs, have grown to be my pals. Whether Joe calls me, pretending that I called him first, or Paulette calls me 50 times, back to back, just to make sure that I'm drinking water and doing well in school....they brighten my days...

PS....low key...I always feel so touched when people come up to the mother and tell her how beautiful she is and how gorgeous her hair is. it's disturbing when they proceed to run their hands through her head (even more disturbing that she lets them)... but I always get some sense of satisfaction when that happens. (you know, they say we look alike :) twins, even..lol)

Quite honestly, I just want to be drunk with my parents and brother and sister on our deck. I'd give my mom vodka. Ryan...tequila. Sharie...BROWN..definately brown. And Joe...I'd actually just hit him with a fat blunt. lol. And we would have an awesome time. My mother is hilarious...the vodka would only heighten her wonderful-ness. Sharie's tough ass could surely soften up with the brown. (she'd cry and tell us all how much she loved us within 5 minutes or so) Joe... chiller to the core....intensified.. lol.

I miss my family.. We're an awesome group of folks...and the plural of our last name shits on everyone else's. We're the AMI. A freaking group of freaking delicious people who are grammatically correct the AMI... are you serious?? AWESOME!

Dad- the coolest... definately. He's the speaker for the family at large.. and lucky me... I always get a shoutout at family functions.... Little joker looks like a small Asian fella when I stand next to him. I like to call him Ming Shao.

Mommy-  Fucking ruler and creator of my heart and soul. That woman could quite possibly have all of the billions that I'm going to make and spend it all on $1 gadgets... she freaking loves those.

BRUDDER- Another little tike. I would kill for his figure... lol. Nah, just the chest. Ok... on second thought, this is just sounding ridiculous. My ride or die...we kill carcinogen intake in parking lots.

Jay, the sister- What a jerk... but in a good way. Such the southern oxymoron. Mean, but not really.. But yea... mean. But only kinda. Thank Jesus for turning 21... I wouldve never known the joy of having a sister to party with that doesn't drink... a life long designated driver is a gift.... from the Black Market...

ugh... so lame.. but I miss mi familia.

PS...baked ziti from mama BStar was the perfect end to a perfect night....if only my mother cooked....

Oh The Places You'll Ash

STRANGE THOUGHTS ARE IN OVERKILL..

It's so interesting to me that "people" that smoke all of the time never have an ashtray. NEVER

MOST POPULAR PSEUDO ASHTRAYS:

1. Bottlecaps

2.Scrap pieces of paper

3.Hands...thats always hot...you can smoke and then burn yourself for no apparent reason

4.cups..with liquid still in it...so the following morning theres a nice little concoction of mold, still liquid and ash

5. The floor...when all else fails, just tip it on the floor..it'll blend into the carpet someday.

SOMETHING ELSE.....

Do serial killers receive holiday greeting cards? Or do they celebrate any holidays? What does a serial killer do to celebrate his or her birthday? Add an extra body for their years of life? Or what do they do on Christmas? When everyone else is in such a cheery spirit...do they call their family members? Do they go to their families homes and eat? Talk to their nieces and nephews? Furthermore....what do they say when posed with the question, "What have you been up to?"..SERIAL KILLER: "Oh nothing..just killing people..you know..the usual..nothing major". That's weird. It actually goes a little beyond weird..

FURTHERMORE...

Can lumberjacks be considered terrorists on humanity? If we need oxygen to thrive...and trees are our source of said oxygen....what does that mean for them? They're taking away our air supply...there quite possibly should be a national campaign protesting lumberjacks...Not John....but all of the others.. :)

What would you do if you birthed a child that when asked what he or she wanted to be when they grew up said something absolutely absurd? Like...

- "i want to be a criminal"

-"I want to be stupid..and not make sense of anything.

-" i want to be obese...and make the most of any food that comes my way"

How does a parent respond to that?

"I know you would like to be a criminal, but try being a doctor....it's completely different, but I think you'll find it rewarding."

I pray I dont have to deal with that...

Quickie in a Pool Hall Bathroom

*If a man was attempting to burglarize another mans home, and upon his entry into the house stumbled upon the resident...a man...naked...what would he do? Would he proceed with the robbery or would he be too disgusted to proceed?

Just wondering.....

SoUlTrY

I stayed up later than I wanted to last night, because I AM the TA to Mr. Starling.

Brudder called me a minute ago and much to my delight, he sounded so upbeat and peppy. Idk what magic elixir turned his frown upside down, but I love it. YAY..we'll be besties again before the holidays...I'm sure of it.

RANDOM: Barack Obama's kids are in for a HUGE upset. Rebellion is such an integral part of any human childs life. Lying the dumbest lies to your parents, (i.e. regardless of what age or what time of the day...I was ALWAYS at the movies...even if I was just at a friends house), staying out all night, helping your siblings sneak people into the house for teenage sex fests....all that cool shit is NECESSARY. But really...how can they ever rebel? They'll end up with friends snitching on them just because of how awesome their dad is. They'll try to drink with their friends, only to be met by "No...i can't...your father is Barack Obama. My whole family wears his face on our shirts. I just can't do this.". They definately wont lose their virginity until they're married...and trying weed? Never gonna happen. I whole heartedly believe that no one would assist in the contamination or corruption of an Obama....

NOW I MUST VENT:
My mother, with her little cute ass, has been telling me for most of my life that my temper is too short and that I spend too much time being angry.
BUUUUUUUUTTTTT, something has GOT to change with traffic procedures.
In the last 2 days, I have flipped an absolute shit about 4, 076 times while waiting at 4 way stops.
IT IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT!!! People sit there, lose their turn, and then insist that you go, only to accelerate themselves. And then there is always a third party that KNOWS that it is not their turn to go, but sees the confusion and tries to weasel their way through the intersection.
I HATE THAT!!! It, along with so many other things, crucifies my soul and I will conquer this evil, if it's the last thing I do. Ugh.

I was good luck yesterday, I suppose. Brandon's boys lost by 2. Only 2.
Gladys and Rons was fucking amazing...and we ate in like 12 minutes.
Maize has declared a name change to either Bunyun or Maizey...I think I'll go with Maizey.
I'm excited about the weekend trip to NY
I think if I had grown up calling my father daddy instead of dad, I would be even more spoiled...perhaps I would get a 6 figure monthly allowance.

I'm a sly bitch and I love it....holler.

I Seldom Have Cash

I Love Homesless People...they are truly some of the most beautiful people on Earth. I have a lot of homesless friends in DC.....BUT...there's a problem with the Homeless Industry.

1. Homeless people's entire (well main) source of revenue are gifts from people that they come into contact with. Idk if they have noticed a decline in revenue over the last few years, but it seems to me that the homeless business will one day become obsolete, as most people don't carry cash anymore. And for clarity, I'm not saying that being homeless will cease to exist, but the business of being homeless sure doesn't seem to have a bright future.

AND JUST FOR RANDOMS SAKE:
-It's bothersome when homeless people ask for random, odd numbers of change. (i.e. "Can I just have 7 cents?") I mean, honestly, just go for the whole dollar.
A. It is not likely that I just happen to have a nickel and 2 pennies, nor 7 pennies...and even if i do, are we really going to stand here, in DC, with all the possibility of being robbed in the world, and wait for me to locate all of that change??
B. Set your sights high. If, in fact, whatever endeavour you need this change for only requires 7 cents, pocket the other 93 cents. And if whatever it is that you're doing only requires 7 cents, you'll be good...for a while.

Ok..that's all.
"School Me Brotha!"

COOL MIXED DRINK

SIDENOTE BEFORE I BEGIN: THERE IS NOT A SINGLE COOL FONT ON THIS THING. BOO.

OKAY, SO I DON'T KNOW IF ITS BLOG ETIQUETTE TO WRITE SOMETHING EVERYDAY, OR EVERY HOUR LIKE MY HYPE ASS DID YESTERDAY, BUT MING HAS BEEN BEGGING FOR AN UPDATE TO DETER HER FROM ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION IN CLASS..LOL. (OOPS, DID I WRITE THAT OUT LOUD?)

**I HAD AN AWESOME TIME LAST NIGHT WITH BABOOSHKA. WE WENT TO FRIDAYS (WHICH, AS THE YEARS GO BY, IT BECOMES APPARENT IS HIS TRUE SANCTUARY) ANYWAY, I LOVE GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE. FIRST, WE FREAKING WALK IN...AT AROUND 10:30..WHICH OF COURSE MEANT THE PLACE WAS OVERFLOWING WITH PEOPLE AND THERE WERE NO BOOTHS AVAILABLE.....NOT.

SO THE HOSTESS WALKS US BY LIKE 3 OPEN BOOTHS AND ATTEMPTS TO SEAT US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE FUCKING RESTAURANT AT THIS LITTLE TABLE. DUDE, I'M 7FT TALL AND HE'S CLEARLY 10...WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US?

SO I TELL HER THAT WE'LL WAIT FOR A BOOTH AND WAIT AT THE BAR.

OH THE BAR...LOL. SO THERE WAS THIS LADY SITTING NEXT TO BRANDON...RED..I MEAN LIKE RED KOOL AID RED STREAKS IN HER HAIR, LOUDEST PERSON IN THE PLACE AND HER CRACK SHAT ON MINE...

IT STARTED LIKE AT THE BACK OF HER NECK AND WENT INTO HER PANTS. IT WA ALSO STRANGELY WIDE AND I FEEL LIKE IT HELD SOME MAGICAL POWERS. ANYWAY, BRANDON COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT IT..LOL. HE WAS LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE. AND WHEN WE FINALLY GOT A BOOTH (BUT NO WAITER, OR MENUS FOR 30 MINUTES), HE TOOK THE LONG WAY JUST TO GET ONE FINAL LOOK AT IT. HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE CRACKS LIKE THAT DESERVE A SPECIAL NAME...LIKE JUWANNA OR SOMETHING.

FROM THERE WE WENT TO OUR BILLIARDS SPOT. (WHERE YOU CAN GET THE BEST INTOXICATION OF YOUR LIFE FOR LIKE 10 DOLLARS...BEAUTIFUL)

INTERESTING SIGHTS THERE:
-RUSSIAN MAFIA, DECKED OUT IN ALL BLACK THAT WERE PLOTTING RUNNING A TRAIN ON THIS DRUNK LADY ALL NIGHT.
-THE DRUNK LADY, WHO I DANCED WITH. SHE ACTUALLY HAD A LITTLE BIT OF RHYTHM. SHE DID THE CABBAGE PATCH, THE RUNNING MAN...AND SOME OTHER...SEEMINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE MOVEMENTS. SHE WAS DOING SO WELL, BUT SHE KEPT DOING THIS WEIRD LIKE CLAW THING WITH HER HANDS...SO I WAS FORCED TO CUT HER.
-THE CUTEST LITTLE GAY MAN, WHO BRANDON WAS SURE WAS WEARING BABY PHAT JEANS..LOL. THEY WERENT BABY PHAT, BUT THEY WERE SO SMALL AND CUTE....ALMSOT LIKE POLLY POCKET CLOTHES.

ANYWAY, I WHOOPED ASS ALL NIGHT AND WE PLAYED FOR KISSES...YES, I KNOW..PDA..

WELL, I CAN'T REALLY SAY IN A NUTSHELL ANYMORE BECAUSE I'VE BABBLED ON FOR SO LONG, BUT LONGER STORY LONG, I HAD A GREAT TIME. I LAUGHED LIKE I WAS IN A ROMANTIC COMEDY AND THE SLEEPOVER FOLLOWING WAS REMINSCENT OF A SCENE FROM THE NOTEBOOK. YAY.


****I THOUGHT OF AN AWESOME TATTOO IDEA....AND A SUPER SEXY PLACE TO PUT IT.. WHICH WILL TAKE THE GRAND TOTAL TO......

16!!!

I THINK THAT'S ALL FOR NOW...

I'M GOING TO SUPPORT LOVER'S BASKETBALL TEAM SHORTLY.
I'M DRINKING THE MOST DELICIOUS, FRIGIDLY COLD DISTILLED WATER OF MY LIFE...EUPHORIA.
I DIDN'T LOSE MY DEBIT CARD.
SOME FREAKING ASSHOLE HIT ME APPARENTLY AND KNOCKED MY SIDE MIRROR..WHAT A DICKHEAD, HE COULD HAVE AT LEAST LEFT A NOTE.
MY UGGS ARE DISGUSTINGLY DIRTY, BUT I REFUSE TO PART WITH THEM
CONGRATULATIONS MAIZE...ACADEMIC GOOD FOOT GRIND LOOKS GOOD ON YOU...NOW FOR THE JOINT WEDDINGS, A LITTLE EMILIO ESTEVEZ, AND COGNAC FOR LOVE.


hOLLER

<3 jUsT fOr YOU

I love you more than Tristan loved Isolde because

-I would've clearly stood up at the Gladiator match and run off with you then..forget the fighting

-I WOULD'VE BEEN HONEST WITH THE KING..."SORRY BUD, THE MISSING HAND THING IS GROSS, PLUS, I'M ALREADY TAKEN"

-No love making in the woods...we have an entire castle

Finally, our names would look a million times better in lights. We are just that great...and even though there are evil lords who would love nothing more than to take our love kingdom, it'll never happen..

The Life of a Long Fellow

I'm almost positive that Ming, Maize, and I will one day take over the world.

And the resulting world will be filled with alcohol, tacos, CPK, distilled water, SOFAS and Lazy Boys, German slang, shower chats, strange accents, emotional boys, GALLOPS TO RITE AID, pILE OF SHIT LOOKS,, ANTI GOOD FOOT TENDENCIES FOR WEEKS AT A TIME, sNACK dEPRIVATION, STORY TIME TRANSCRIPTS, utilities...oh utitilites, pounds of cheese, silent school rides, Blessings from Pedro, WHITE BOARD GAMES THAT LAST FOR HOURS.. kitchen chats, an overflow of unopened mail, mani-pedis, PORCH SIDE PUFFS,bedroom gymnastic stunts, a personal crew of locals (who clean up well), loving alley hoodlums, a never ending cycle of flat tires and tows, TV nights, fire, Chawlee accents, a shortage of cups, sporatic, updating yells down the hallway, delicious left over, poster meals for poverty, an overflow of computers (Macs especially), animation, a breach of academic integrity, awesome playlists and tunage man bashing and cocktails at the round table, abuse, sarcasm, love, but most importantly...GIGGLES.

**I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE TAKEOVER**

NUMBER TWO!

Okay, it just looked awful with one post. It tugged on my soul a bit.

Texting may possibly be one of the things in the center of my universe..and BBM is a life and time destroyer.

At the same time, I wish my mom and dad text'd.

I love randomness...and I strive to epitomize it. Good day.

"In The Beginning There Was....."

I've always thought it ridiculously strange to blog. However, recently, I have had so many thoughts fighting to transform from an idea to an expression that I've been going slightly insane. Thus, I now have a blog.

So thoughts, only 3 of you will escape and become animate.

1. BROTHER
This guy has definitely been consuming my time. I don't even really wish to extract and verbalize the history behind these thoughts, but now that I have pushed some of it out, it does feel better. I haven't even said anything, but a piece of that energy is gone....or somewhere other than in my head..rather, my soul.

I grew up with Ryan across the hall, in the car, on the way to school. Ryan deepened his voice when horny boys called, Ryan was convinced that he was taller than me, Ryan was my besty. I don't know where he has gone, but I miss him....deeply. Like ridiculously. I'm close to wandering the streets (metaphorically) and asking random people if they've seen him, because after all, what's a superhero without a freaking sidekick? I mean really, superheros usually have just one AWESOME power that can usually be demolished in a matter of seconds once they step their game up and go beyond the village walls. The Sidekick is the one that's been left for dead and shows up..right on time. The two, however, are integral parts of each other's existence. It is the most beautiful symbiotic relationship..ever.

So I'll be the sidekick or I'll be the superhero, but we can't just throw this idealogy to the wind.

2. SCHOOL

I am completely convinced that all of this formal education nonsense that I have been so immersed in for the last million years is a government cover-up to breed the national community into military experiments.

P.S. I STILL don't understand why I had to ask to pee, have permission to express myself, and walk in a freaking straight line to go anywhere.

3. ?
I am in dire need of underwear...like something has GOT to give. I buy underwear ALL THE TIME, but after I wear them once, they dissapear. It's winter, and I have an unusually long crack. Imagine having a chilled crack..DC wind is crazy...all of that festering and blowing around in my pants???? Not my idea of singing in the rain.