Texting is the Gateway to Choosing

Okay...so recently, my lifes philosophy has been

LIFE IS JUST ABOUT TEXTING AND SCREWING...

True? I think so. Relationships are all..or mostly just a secure sex partner. Because now, noone knows themselves enough to not be insecure. And insecurity ultimately becomes the cancer that ruins everything. ...everything.

So what's left in life? Sure..go to class and do those things that we all must do..but its relationships with other people that sustain life. Because after all..I wouldn't even know that I existed unless someone told me. (Marinade on that....really..if you fall down or scratch your knee..you only know that you're not dead and still alive because people tell you so)
So I suppose the only thing there is to do is text and sex..and wait for everyone to buy some security...and pray that it has a warranty.

Grad Sad

I'm in the bed, legs fast asleep with my beezy's...listening to the soundtrack of our lives and sealing Riss' thousand plus Graduation announcements...

I can't believe the sitcom is ending..this fucking sucks.

It's been one hell of a run...I totally feel like our sitcom shits all over FRIENDS...and the Cosby Show...and Family Matters....and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Our lives could re run on UPN forever..and ever and you'd BETTER watch it.

You'd see all types of cool shit...like...
Tumultuous and crazy relationships..Ike and Tina, Jay Z and Beyonce, Ashton Kutcher and Demi\ Jennifer Hudson and Punk and Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

The Real World..altho there's no fabulous gay..but there is life like alcohol overflows for free. And there would be scenes of public urination, stumbles down the street,hour long convos with the coolest homeless people on the planet, sweaty club scenes...sweaty thirsties..drug house raids...oh those are delightful.

The music would be awesome too. Imeem and iTunes have the most loyal following..by 3 gals..well 2 that are constantly hunting for new tunage.

If smell o vision ever comes to be, you would smell Little Italy, and Mexican delights...and red potatoes..and onions and garlic..ooh garlic. It comes out of my pores.

Buuuut...I suppose the sitcom will just grow and change..like Saved by the Bell. We've had the College Years. The next step will the Tres: the Fucking Fabulous Years.

The years with relationships that don't kill your sanity. And expensive wine..and water in wine glasses...and bionic hairdos and red bottomed shoes. Luxury cars and lots of lofts..vacays..HUGE checks....and duh, the restaraunt opening.

I can't imagine life getting better than getting wasted with my buds..but hey, there's a 4 20 in every year. Muhaha...

Its allllll good

Hello there

I guess it's a good thing that I've been too busy to blog...but a bad thing that I kinda forgot I had a blog. Muha :(

-who told the penis carrying species that they get a special card that makes their lies believable..or acceptable?

-i don't like twitter

-i hate that fermented taste I always get after a night of liquor liquor liquor

-i wanna be made

-i am currently in school with kids that were in the damn 90's. Double you tee eff??

-i HATE..excuse me. Fucking LOaTHE school. Please make it stop

-crackheads are so innovative and skilled..I have a couple crackhead friends

-mkay
Holler

JUMBLE-aya

I dont much feel like writing a narrative...so I shall share my scattered thoughts as they come..that's the best communication anyway..

-This ain't a scene..it's a goddamn arms race
-"Man, why we don't stone niggas no more?"
-Rashad Brinkley...reason 100 million why this guy is my besty

TEXTS OF THE MOMENT:

1.U skank! I miss the Longfellow..His dick is huge.
2.You fuck sure kould have told me you were home.
3.Nicole? That's her name?
4. I know. Fucking.Bitch.Rotten.Dirty.Bitch
5. i AM an old woman. I HAVE been out of the swing of things for too long. I AM tired. 12:20 sat night...im so cool
6. Get on twitter so i can have a friend
7. Right now im waiting on sum sex to cum thru afta dat dese joints i kno havin a party but im open to otha shit whas good


SB09 will certainly be stupid...can't wait.

i also cant focus.
this should hold u over. :)

i'll be back...on to the many sippages in the freezer. muha

sdrawkcab....SDRAWKCAB

Yesterday, i was awakened to the sound of my Napoleon Complex having next door neighbor shoveling...or kicking...or jumping on ice. It was around 6:30, and once he stirred me from my sleep, I searched and searched for the nearest exit out of "awake"...in an honest, but fruitless, attempt to go back to sleep.

Lucky for me, I got to see the sunrise...which i NEVER get to do... and it was AB-SO-LUTELY amazing. One of the few things in life which arent train wreck stamped that I could sit and watch.

So of course, i couldnt enjoy it as beautiful and leave it there...my mind went to the left and destroyed my moment.

i felt cheated that when the sun is the prettiest, I'm asleep..with no idea of what beauty is unfolding right outside of my window.

But I'll turn that...and vow to take the time to be awake and around for the best things.

-I'm going to be up for the sunrise..at least every once in a while

-I'm going to vacation now, when I'm young and can enjoy it, rather than when I'm retired, barely walking, and scared to pee on myself.

-I will not fold my favorite clothes. Instead, I'm going to stretch them out and tack them to my wall...so that I can see what made me fall in love.

-I will also pause at sunset..and relax, and allow myself to set with the sun, even if only for a minute. (i wonder if the sunset is that pretty on the weekends. If I were the sun, I would feel played..like I was putting on this amazing show for nothing)

-I'm gonna doodle in places other than class...and frame my creations

Ok, this last one is random, but I want to watch a squirrel's entire route..to wherever he or she goes. I want to know where its running to.. and where it's running from.

*STAMP

Simply delightful...my window is cracked and the smell of clean linen is just a floating around...simply freaking delightful.

I think we can do better than a convenience key

So...its cold as a sick serial killers creation's hand gesture in DC. It makes me want to fill my cheeks with air and stomp, hard...just to make the picture clearer. Imagine everywhere you absolutely NEVER want to go...for whatever reason, and all the spirits and souls from those people and things and places morph into leprechauns (not wearing green of course) and they invade your brain..causing it to freeze..they pull snot of ur nose and rest it above ur top lip..they sneak huge gusts of wind through your clothes at sporadic times to appear discreet. And then thees another one that just messes with mind. He makes you do little I'm cold dances. Or tuck ur head into your neck. This whole cold coalition sucks.

Okay..inauguration was amazing. Being in DC on a weekend of such flat out culture was crazy. I can't say that I did anything especially different this week/ weekend, but it seems like everyone of so proud to be just exactly who they are. Obama is a bi-racial man (PAUSE to understand and reflect on the perfection that is he. He swagged all over DC with that stupidly gorgeous face..that damn burgundy scarf was perfection...and his smile, smokers lips included....there are small children in the Hamptons, North Korea, Zimbabwe, and lonely streets in NW DC who would give anything just for a flash of that smile. Ugh. My president is fine. As fuck. Good. Ness.
I'll leave it here and not go into cliche, redundant, "individual" "unique" experiences. Ooooopppps. I'm sure somebody has already had mine

Ok. I'm rambling..here's the freaking point:

***how do cell phone companies decide what games automatically come on the phone? They're all (from what ive seen, standard, horizontal, and vertical such and suches. How do we know that the movements used n these games aren't linked to something much bigger?

_sidebar..getting sick..but everytime I inhale, I swear I hear some of the soundtrack to shaka zula.

MOVING....
So....back to cars. Each time I get into the car, I have a destination. It is NEVER to go to the gas station JUST to get gas. So I'm pissed when I get there because getting gas is such an ordeal. Ok...so when I leave from breaks I always have a lot of cash. Why in the damn hell can I get a soda more easily than I can get gas?? WHY do I have to walk to the confusing doors only to lean down into the nasty little window to yell 3 dollars (yes 3) on....idk the punp...there 1 other car here. Then all that high tech: I slide u the tray, u slide it back...god forbid our hands r in there at the same time.
POINT? Why can't we have dollar counter/ feeds AT the pump???? I'm doing it.
And also...y can't we think of some feasable way to prepurchase gas to avoid trips to the gas station all together

Did I mention how awesomely fine Barack H. Obama is? Geeeeze.

PS. I think it would be wonderful to sleep in a traditional, flowing wedding dress. (With loads of body and layers and ridiculous shit that makes it poofy but soft)That would be so sick....I'd prolly retire and sleep forever...only waking uo for pics and to sass every now and then

Almost done- ladies...encourage ur men/women/children/ or we make the uncomfortable face when posed with this q guy to frequent the good barber for the FULL meal.

Line up was crispta
Sideburns wouldve cut me..and caused me to bleed
Cheeks- brown and extra smooth...almost like the side of an engorged breast
The face is always killer tho. YUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLEEEEEE

Are Cumulus the Fluffy Ones?

As I was leaving home..I got into a serious fight with the clouds. Atlanta's airport is always a lot busier than DC's. It takes longer to check in, way longer to get through security, and longer for me to find the right terminal and gate. I don't mind it, tho, because by that time, I'm trying to inhale all of the Ga that I can reach, to save, for when I'm homesick in DC.
And as I was in the airport, sadly stuffing myself of all that is Ga, I got quietly disturbed at the thought of flying away from home. I wished instead that I could be instantly teleported back to DC, as not to watch my home fade into nothingness.
So this thought went rampant as I sat in the window seat, straining my shitty little eyes to try to find anything familiar from up so high. Maybe a Varsity sign, or a pool that I convince myself is one of my elementary school friends, or a cul de sac that I know is mine.
As I was personalizing the birds eye view of my city, the clouds taunted and teased me. The higher I went the more they protested. I was going forward and my home was being left behind. Such a sickening feeling. I begged them for just one final look at my home, as I flew away from it. Alas, they refused, and banded together, blanketing my home in a thick shield, as peaceful and serene as it was. And they played the most sickening game of peek a boo with me. They would loosen their grip to each other at times, breaking just long enough for me to see an outline of something unclear, but within seconds, the sick game was resumed and I couldn't see home.

Days later, I think I might be a little sad. I still feel like I was whisked away from my home...and all I wanted to do was look at it until it was too small for description. Fucking clouds. I'll show you.

*Today marks the 24th year of perhaps one of the most wonderful ppl in my life....all of it. Because u don't read day to day, I'm sure you'll c this in 3-5 business days, but...Happy Birthday. I Love you...more than I love ranting...we're gonna have an effing blast with or without the party bus...you ____ guzzling phenomena. :)

Phuck

-Im in the strangest of moods
-I feel like there are many Brandi souls in my body..one in my throat, one in my head...only on the right side...and one in my soul...wherever that is
-Is it strange that I think my soul is somewhere near my abdomen? I can't place it anywhere else..it has to BE somewhere..i can't imagine a soul being in my toes..maybe it's in the ink of my tattoos..that would be hot.
-I want to say FUCK really loudly right now...this isn't the first time this break that I've felt like that. Well I did it..didn't do what I thought it would do.
-I've stolen a fucking awesomely delicious ring from my mom. It's so effing gorgeous its stupid. And it makes me feel so incestually gay and giddy that she was like doing cool shit and being gorgeous (which she was...and so...THE SHIT)with the same ring on her little hand.
-I hate peeing instantly..I love it..but only when I hold it so long that when I finally release it, its orgasmic.
-I don't do ringtones anymore.
-My dad's name is Joseph...and I call him Joe.
-I have over 25 first cousins..and 14 aunts and uncles. Family functions are sick.
-I got refracted for glasses and I so badly want that piece of equipment that eliminates the lenses for glasses....it makes the coolest sound..and it's only $2500..totally asking for it for Christmas.
-I love the way my ring finger and pinkie look. they're so cute.
-I lost 15 pounds this break...HAHA..sike..but i did lose 3.
-My handwriting has gone to shit over the past couple of years.
-it takes me about 2 hours to get out of the bed in the morning..and about 4 to get up and get dressed to go out in the evening.
-I CAN'T STAND being put on the spot for my number from an undesirable guy. But I hate to be mean.
-I wish Brandi was my niddle name and I had a cool first name that I only sometimes went by. My brother and sister get to...what is this Amos conspiracy?
-WHHHHHHYYYYYYYY can't someone give me a nickname? It's been so long..am i not worthy?
-I wonder if my kids will know how to tell time, do simple mathematics, and spell...

WalMart, my Love

I went to my special place today. Behind the expressway, behind the devil in architectural form; gas stations, away from text messaging, and phone calls, name shouts, and calls to the street. And I sat in my parked car, far enough away to see everything and everybody. Window slightly cracked, just enough to let the air from outside balance with the residual heat that blows through the vents, even when the heat isn't on. I took my shoes, off, as I do everytime, sat indian style, and gazed.

It became so amazing to me as I sat there. I fucking hate time. I'm a rebel, have been for 22 years. So why should i subscribe to the phenomena of something I can't even see controlling every, single, tiny, minscule thing I do....or don't do. So I love the Wal- Mart parking lot. I can escape from time; time stands still for me, and I watch thepeople around me be time's puppet. They run in the store, out of the store, run up the aisles, down the aisles. They look for the shortest line so they're not waiting too long. THey of course, haven't the time to wait in line. They rush back outside, where they leave their carts in the street, because time doesn't permit them the additional 3 feet to leave it in its designated area. Engine start, reverse lights, one or two movements, and they're gone.. off into another one of time's traps.
Time traps. The inevitable evil that is never ending. lol. My dad's sick, but still doing his daily tasks and refusing to rest, as he typically does. He doesn't have time to rest. 24 hours in a day and he can't find just a few to slow it down and rest. It's time for me to greow up. I'm 22, have had one real job and have no idea how adulthood works. But it's time...not because I say so, but something...this thing. Time. "Time for bed". Sometimes, it was time for bed at 8pm. I was 6 or 7, with all of the energy in the world. Not tired. Actually restless..REST-LESS. But at a certain time...it was time. So my flame was extinguished..because time said so. Another year has come and gone, and I didn't get all I wanted out of 2008. I wanted to color more. Or even color one picture. And I wanted it to go on the fridge at my parents house. And I wanted them to coo at me and tell me how amazing it was. But alas, I can't do that. I'm 22. Coloring time is over. Even though I can do it better now...and I can actually color a picture, instead of lines of color. And even if there was time alotted for a 22 year old to color....2008 is gone. And time...the awful villain, has kept me from coloring in 2008. Why didn't I color 4 days ago? I didnt have the time. A week before that? No time. There's just never any time. Before the Christmas break, which is ime alotted away from school, it was finals time. and each morning, it was breakfast time. And in the afternoon, lunchtime. And in the evening, dinnertime. And after that, time to study, time for homework. Spend time with friends and lover. Time to shower, time to wash clothes. "What time is it? 10:00". Time to watch House. Time to watch 30 Minute Meals, time to watch the Hills.
It's getting late...so much time has passed, time to go to sleep. Time to wake up.

"Hey Brandi, i called you yesterday".
"Oh yea, I was sleep...".
"Well, you wanna get lunch?"
"Oh I can't..dont have time"
"Oh, well when are you done for the day..just give me a time, we"ll make it work"

And there are meetings, napping too long, studying, group projects that meet at a certain time. So the week is out...no time for coloring.

The weekends are worse. Protocol calls for sleeping in. To make up for time missed sleeping during the week, of course...or hangovers. Time to clean up. Time to get lunch. Ugh..why does it take so long...so much time to get to CPK and back?

"It's getting late, we gotta get to the liquor store"
"Nope, missed it. It's 12:00. They're closed."

Time for stores to be open and closed.
Gotta get dressed. Can't party when you want. Parties begin and end at certain times. Can't be in the streets all night either....after a certain time it's dangerous.

And when time gives a break from timely chores, it's time to rest... so there's no hiding.
So I never colored my picture..i simply didnt have the time.

I hope in 2009, time allots me a slot to color. a slot for me to hang my picture on my paren'ts fridge, and a time for them to praise me.

If not, I may have to barter with time...and trade coloring for my sessions at Wal Mart...

And More Gigggle Worthy Texts

-Texts that light up my little life...

1. "This nigga who is supposedly talkin to my coworker

WHO IS PRESENT who keeps tryin to touch me and tellin

me to free my mind. Nigga I will fuckin kill you"

2." At the bar by the gal from the white spot"

3. "I have 2 bottles of wine. U can bum one"

4. "We're at southe dekalb to see the black santa and when

we walk up ___ says loudly, "He's supposed to have

a white face!!!"

5.Lol. I told...hold on lil buddy. I need to go free myself

before we do this lil dance, you and me"

"Why is there a dentist office by the nail shop

and the presiding dentist is Dr. Precious Crawford Okeke"

6. "Lol. You should have seen him. He was outside

freezing walking on his tippy toes"

7. "Nigggggaaaaaa!!!! They sale liquor at the rite aid!!"

I Sure Didnt See Any Mistletoe

Christmas has come and gone again....so fast.. too soon. But all is well, I suppose, as I thought I had reached that age when Christmas begins at 4:00 pm, instead of 6:00 am...and your parents say Merry Christmas and that's all. Perhaps, if youre lucky, you get an ugly pair of socks...or a book. But that's all. So I made it through another year with presents under the tree. yay.

I've been having a ball. I've been through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and my grandmother's birthday (which is it's own holiday, pretty much)...with just one massive headache and inability to keep down food. I'm getting good.

RANDOM: My right cheekbone is killing me, as I was drunkishly in the club and got punched in the face in the midst of some madness.... but the best part is that I was punched by a man. Sucks... uber.

Okay, I've also been wondering... what's the science behind creating a telephone number? Because sometimes, I'd even go as far to say often, telephone numbers are similar, based on their geographic location...or neighborhood....or cell phone provider. I'm just curious who's behind these creations.

And these are things that have made me laugh:

-" I just be at home. I be chiefing. I gotta flatscreen"

-anonymous

-"Yea, I'm still drinking. I weigh 135...all I gotta do is go

to the bafroom...like 5 times...maybe 6"

-anonymous

-i stole all my christmas gifts this year...and I felt

bad and shit...but its like...damn..its christmas"

-anonymous

-"That shit be fye..it be like a real life entourage...but wit niggas"

-anonymous

**FAVORITE TEXTS OF THE MOMENT**

who doesnt love a good text?

-"Lets Party"

-..."And girl this fine ass nigga works in stock. Girl he is absolutely breathtaking"

-"Bitch alost arrrresterd"

-"Yeeeeesss mufucccccccccccccckkkkkkkaaaaa cherry rum is the fuckin shittttttt"

-Sent out a fuckin sos msg to ny and becky and becky ended up havin a super fuckin maxi pad."

-This woman on the bus wants me to become a school counselor and a zeta "its the only way to go". She also informed me that I should work at this one particular school in pg and speak with a man named homer in the human resources department bc "he cool"

-"I never go more than two days without bathing".

-"ur a dirty cunt and ima slap u in the face in public"

-"Dont try to use your moldy puss as incentive"

-"I see now that your gonna be the parent who doesnt discipline"

-lol. Beer. BEEEERRR!!!'

FAVORITE BY A LANDSLIDE

-" I KAN SPELL. HOUSEHOLD TERMS. YOUR MOMS PUSSY SMELLS LIKE PIGEON BATH WATER"

Nestled in the Lap of Luxury

I'm home now....ahhhh..home. It never dawns on me how peasant like my life actually is until I come home. It's the small things that do it for me; my parents have a freaking basket for holding multiple onions. I have a bag, and make the one onion last for a week. Their regrigerator is stocked with a bunch of shit...most of which they probably never touch. My poor little fridge holds at the most 4-5 items per shelf, and you can see straight to the back of it.I woke up this morning... well afternoon and went downstairs and pondered for many moments what I was going to drink: water, schweppes ginger ale or some exotic island ginger ale, crangrape, pepsi, fruit punch,or HI C orange. At home, I have to pray the entire walk to the kichen for a small sip of something, usually to be met with a trip to Rite Aid with a change purse and buying ONE beverage. (which must last all night....maybe into the morning) There are a plethora of HD movie channels in this place and watching TV here makes the thought of watching TV on such an average screen without High Def almost unfathomable. There are so many hallways, and stairwells to walk up and down. There are so many sofas and chair and places to sit. There are mirrors everywhere. And house phones (odd). And rooms to play in. And pictures to look at. And books to read. (I love reading at home)..there are no sirens, just crickets and birds. There are trees out of my windows, instead of shanty city houses and buildings. I have neighbors who I can't play pattycake with through our windows. I can sit outside on the steps, or on the back porch. There's a garage so i don't have to run everytime I want to go to my car. Having a driveway is pretty awesome, as well.
So this is what families are made of, I suppose. Taking your peasant college life and turning it into just the opposite. I am determined to be the anti-peasant. And little do Sweet Paul and George know, I'm taking all of the herbs and spices and seasonings and parishable items that I can back with me. muhaha!

PS. So my brother has dogs.. one boy and one girl. And I suppose they're semi attracted to one another now. Anyway, I took them out today and they began to have intercourse...right in front of me. I picked up a brisk jog to stop them, and they continued to pound and thrust until I MADE them stop. It's just so strange that animals can just bone....anywhere. They don't care who sees. They don't care about how long they can get it in. They don't care what gender they stick it to. They just absolutely do not care. So Ive concluded that animals are all about the nut. Which is so disturbing because they sit on my lap and I rub them and coo at them and think how little and cute they are. When lo and behold, I may have dog cum dripping down my legs because the little whores just sex one another at whim. ugh. disgusting.

Checking One Bag at a Time

Still in the airport...I hate delays...but still love the scenery.

-Man in front me...kick it old school and invite your pants on a coastal trip down to party with the top of your shoe...and until you do, sit down and pull the pant leg up so that no one can tell that you're wearing your daughters pants.

-its so interesting to see and hear people use their smartphones for their intended purpose. The man next to me also has a blackberry and is emailing and texting and phoning about business ventures...and I'm doing the exact opposite.

-this guy clearly masturbated in the bathroom. Sir, button ur pants and belts. And splash cold water on your face as not to reveal to the world that u r in fact hot and bothered.

-Okay businessman next to me, pop a halls or hold your breath, but the barking and croaking will not cut it with seats this close together. Ok seriously now.

-muhaha...little lady, you aren't actually running, you're just wasting energy to make it seem as though you really are gaining momentum. Alas, you missed your flight.

-theres also the one fabulous....wait coughing fella next to me...u are not singing now are you? Oh yes...yes you are. But yes, there's always the elderly, black, absolutely fucking fabulous woman in the airport. She has arrived. Untouchably perfect hair, bad ass suit, (I mean baaaaaad) stilettos,..with her old fabulous strut, Louis speedy and luggage to match. No biggie.

-There are a few Pats in the airport...man? Woman? I really don't know.

-lol...some (also...everyone in the airport is TINY today...except for those 8 ft twins) small fella with black patent leather shoes and white socks cussing about "some motherfuckin body better get me from the damn airport. I'm not--what??? I'm NOT TAKIN NO FUCKIN CAAAB!"
I love when people cuss through clenched teeth. It makes the experience all the more better for me.


Ok..its time for me to perform a spectacle for others to blog about. I'm all for giving back.

"I'm coming home again"

the Joy and Airport Brings

Sitting in the airport with cramps sucks...it actually more than sucks, but the sights inside an airport terminal are priceless. I may actually start visiting airports when I'm bored.

SIGHT 1: Typical...there's always at least one calm, fragile mother with a bad spawn of satan child. And that family is right behind me. The little boy is probably around 3 or 4. Since I've had the pleasure of staring at him, he has removed his pants, slapped his mother (not playfully), announced to the heavens in a monster voice how he has to shit (yes shit..not poopy..or number 2)...now he's taking evrything out of his little bookbag and throwing it around the gate, followed by a full sprint off into the distance. And his mother is still sitting here. I wonder if she realizes that he's gone.

SIGHT 2: Some type of sailor.. The ones with the cute outfits... Fitted pants that slightly flare... Well this guy seemingly fell atop a razor and destroyed his neat little buzz cutt. Poor thing. He looks like its disturbing him too. I guess they can't wear caps.

SIGHT 3: the terrors mother is now frantically looking for her son...which wouldn't be funny....but I know where he is. Maybe I should help the little lady out.

SIGHT 4: text from an un named boy in all boy fashion.. "What exactly is ivory..colorwise?" Awww. That's cute.

SIGHT 5: The fact that booty never gets old to men. They..all of them, specifically in this case an elderly, white haired, white man break their necks to watch my jeeks rumble. (He unlike others, however, has slow reaction time and still stares when I've glanced back.)

Last sight before I get on some tuneage: A little cute old lady..with the sweetest voice and cutest little eyes. I'm positive that she has a bosom full of peppermint and a sock full of change. She chatted me up about everything for about 15 minutes and then pulled her iPod out. Oh what I would do to see her playlist.
I heart the elderly.

I am What I am

I AM

-a lefty

-a devout CPK, Olive Garden, Chipotle, Ruth's Chris, Lauriol Plaza, Jameelah's kitchen eatery fan

- Somewhat afraid of the dark, but only at my parents house.

-always hot...ALWAYS

-a party girl.. whole heartedly

-a hippie in many ways.. I walk around barefoot at home (def not DC), I'm down to try most things.....and I wouldn't be opposed to wearing long skirts that drag in the dirt

-Very nice.. I don't get credit for that one too often.. but I am.. I think

-A lover of the English language

-100% mommies girl..100% daddy's girl

-extremely tall.. actually the tallest person in my family.. and the youngest.

- a scrapbooker..

-deathly allergic to seafood... I don't even know what fish tastes like.. I've only had it once.

-a nerd at heart

- a former token... thank jesus for my HU brethren..

- the driver in the car that stops traffic to try to catch any glimpse of anything that resembles a crime

scene.

-horrible at managing money

-a cusser... profanity is clearly my first language

--tired of thinking of things that I am, and will let you guess the rest.

I hope your llist is awesome. :)

Mirror, mirror

Tonight, I was perusing my facebook pictures. I must admit that I was under the influence, as I am now. But, I realized that the face that is in the pictures i so unfamiliar to me. I had over 500 opportunities to say, "oh, that looks like me", but I never did. I dont know if everyone has this revelation when seeing themselves in print or pictures, but it disturbed me. 

From then, I evaluated what my thoughts are when I look in the mirror. I do look in the mirror everyday; to attempt to manufacture what I am supposed to look like when I leave my house. from this revelation came many thoughts.

FIRST THOUGHT:

- I always say that I am waaaaaay prettier in Atlanta than I am in DC.  Is that, in fact, because the mirrors in ATL altered my perception? Maybe I'm just more confident in ATL because I'm removed from a place where girls have to compete with one another.

SECOND THOUGHT

-How do we know that mirrors actually depict our reality/ Whomever created mirrors could have very well tweaked them to show us with larger noses... or bigger lips....or more squinty eyes. 

It seems like an absurd thing to think about, but it bothers me to think that the tool in which I have relied on for so long,  to show me how the world views me, may not be accurate.

So, it may be a national upset that mirrors serve little to no purpose. What actually is the purpose of reflection? from a mirror, of course.

A Chat With Socrates

Carl: 

So what's up cuz cuz?

Brandi:

nothing...taking a break from these dumb ass finals

and ive rediscovered love

yay

what r u up to?

Carl: 

First Off Love IS Gay And Over rated.

Second I'm lookin for Car Parts

Brandi:

Awwwww... y do u hate love?

Carl:

Why Not. You Give your heart to someone What happens it gets hurt one way or another

Brandi:

its ok tho

what doesnt kill u makes u stronger

i need for u to cheer up.... immediately

Carl:

Thats not always true. That statement was made on a physical aspect.... you get weaker mentally, you lose your courage and confidence

Brandi:

I don't think so.... but i like the depth of that statement... philosophize with me for a moment... if u dont die, u live, and whether u make the conscious decision or not...living is strength

it doesnt say whatever doesnt kill u makes u happy.... but u are still alive..

and isn't life the ultimate goal?

Carl:

Not if your gonna go through life weak. If I can't function why not beg for death. Happiness is the ultimate goal, life is already there you just have to maintain it.

Brandi:

Aw.. i stand corrected. that was beautiful.

As dismal as this conversation about turned ended up... and as glad as I am that i don't have to worry about that... it is true, I suppose. Who says that the things that come after giving your heart to someone always make you stronger?I am grateful to say that for the most part, i gave my heart to one of the good guys, but i do feel deep sorrow for people who have to patch their hearts back together.... but if you need tape.. or just need extra ammunition to assist in the demise of a heartbreaker... I'm here for you. lol.. but really.

Tickle Me Pizza....That Isn't Delivered.

Me and Mr. became parents today...to a little black pitbull named Tristan... affectionately called T-baby by his daddy.

I woke this morning to a delightful little, ego stroking text message:

"New drunken fetish: reading mindovamatta as my eyes get lower and lower, I love it, oddly as much as I know u, reading your personal memoirs makes me feel all the more close to you...I'm pretty gone so I don't know how homo that sounded, but yea"

We went to the movies last night, but clearly the tequila shots, brown liquor, and heated theatre were just a deadly combo for sleep. So...we slept. The beginning of the movie was giggle worthy, tho.. definately. I heart Vince Vaughn... really.

But as lubber and I attempted to nap comfortably, it became more and more evident that movie theatres need re-vamping...so we're going to take on that task.. and become mega millionaires in the process.

And drum roll please for my random thought for the day.... or this post..

I think that in driving school, prospective drivers should allocate and establish certain horn honks for certain things. It just seems so pointless to have one sound that could mean so many things, but drivers pay for. And what if I'm honking, "Hey..your baby is really cute, but smearing boogers on your window and I just thought you should know..have a great day".. and in return another driver honks back "Please help me, I'm being abducted and they're using the baby as a distraction". I would never know. And this is sad.

Okay....

"Put your kiss on my face lover"

SO NOT IN THE FRIDAY MOOD

Damn him for this Frat lifestyle...great nap, great other shit...and then the streets called...

I miss the parentals..they are pretty much the most stellar pair of polar opposites to grace any hemisphere.

They, much like the sibs, have grown to be my pals. Whether Joe calls me, pretending that I called him first, or Paulette calls me 50 times, back to back, just to make sure that I'm drinking water and doing well in school....they brighten my days...

PS....low key...I always feel so touched when people come up to the mother and tell her how beautiful she is and how gorgeous her hair is. it's disturbing when they proceed to run their hands through her head (even more disturbing that she lets them)... but I always get some sense of satisfaction when that happens. (you know, they say we look alike :) twins, even..lol)

Quite honestly, I just want to be drunk with my parents and brother and sister on our deck. I'd give my mom vodka. Ryan...tequila. Sharie...BROWN..definately brown. And Joe...I'd actually just hit him with a fat blunt. lol. And we would have an awesome time. My mother is hilarious...the vodka would only heighten her wonderful-ness. Sharie's tough ass could surely soften up with the brown. (she'd cry and tell us all how much she loved us within 5 minutes or so) Joe... chiller to the core....intensified.. lol.

I miss my family.. We're an awesome group of folks...and the plural of our last name shits on everyone else's. We're the AMI. A freaking group of freaking delicious people who are grammatically correct the AMI... are you serious?? AWESOME!

Dad- the coolest... definately. He's the speaker for the family at large.. and lucky me... I always get a shoutout at family functions.... Little joker looks like a small Asian fella when I stand next to him. I like to call him Ming Shao.

Mommy-  Fucking ruler and creator of my heart and soul. That woman could quite possibly have all of the billions that I'm going to make and spend it all on $1 gadgets... she freaking loves those.

BRUDDER- Another little tike. I would kill for his figure... lol. Nah, just the chest. Ok... on second thought, this is just sounding ridiculous. My ride or die...we kill carcinogen intake in parking lots.

Jay, the sister- What a jerk... but in a good way. Such the southern oxymoron. Mean, but not really.. But yea... mean. But only kinda. Thank Jesus for turning 21... I wouldve never known the joy of having a sister to party with that doesn't drink... a life long designated driver is a gift.... from the Black Market...

ugh... so lame.. but I miss mi familia.

PS...baked ziti from mama BStar was the perfect end to a perfect night....if only my mother cooked....

Oh The Places You'll Ash

STRANGE THOUGHTS ARE IN OVERKILL..

It's so interesting to me that "people" that smoke all of the time never have an ashtray. NEVER

MOST POPULAR PSEUDO ASHTRAYS:

1. Bottlecaps

2.Scrap pieces of paper

3.Hands...thats always hot...you can smoke and then burn yourself for no apparent reason

4.cups..with liquid still in it...so the following morning theres a nice little concoction of mold, still liquid and ash

5. The floor...when all else fails, just tip it on the floor..it'll blend into the carpet someday.

SOMETHING ELSE.....

Do serial killers receive holiday greeting cards? Or do they celebrate any holidays? What does a serial killer do to celebrate his or her birthday? Add an extra body for their years of life? Or what do they do on Christmas? When everyone else is in such a cheery spirit...do they call their family members? Do they go to their families homes and eat? Talk to their nieces and nephews? Furthermore....what do they say when posed with the question, "What have you been up to?"..SERIAL KILLER: "Oh nothing..just killing people..you know..the usual..nothing major". That's weird. It actually goes a little beyond weird..

FURTHERMORE...

Can lumberjacks be considered terrorists on humanity? If we need oxygen to thrive...and trees are our source of said oxygen....what does that mean for them? They're taking away our air supply...there quite possibly should be a national campaign protesting lumberjacks...Not John....but all of the others.. :)

What would you do if you birthed a child that when asked what he or she wanted to be when they grew up said something absolutely absurd? Like...

- "i want to be a criminal"

-"I want to be stupid..and not make sense of anything.

-" i want to be obese...and make the most of any food that comes my way"

How does a parent respond to that?

"I know you would like to be a criminal, but try being a doctor....it's completely different, but I think you'll find it rewarding."

I pray I dont have to deal with that...

Quickie in a Pool Hall Bathroom

*If a man was attempting to burglarize another mans home, and upon his entry into the house stumbled upon the resident...a man...naked...what would he do? Would he proceed with the robbery or would he be too disgusted to proceed?

Just wondering.....

SoUlTrY

I stayed up later than I wanted to last night, because I AM the TA to Mr. Starling.

Brudder called me a minute ago and much to my delight, he sounded so upbeat and peppy. Idk what magic elixir turned his frown upside down, but I love it. YAY..we'll be besties again before the holidays...I'm sure of it.

RANDOM: Barack Obama's kids are in for a HUGE upset. Rebellion is such an integral part of any human childs life. Lying the dumbest lies to your parents, (i.e. regardless of what age or what time of the day...I was ALWAYS at the movies...even if I was just at a friends house), staying out all night, helping your siblings sneak people into the house for teenage sex fests....all that cool shit is NECESSARY. But really...how can they ever rebel? They'll end up with friends snitching on them just because of how awesome their dad is. They'll try to drink with their friends, only to be met by "No...i can't...your father is Barack Obama. My whole family wears his face on our shirts. I just can't do this.". They definately wont lose their virginity until they're married...and trying weed? Never gonna happen. I whole heartedly believe that no one would assist in the contamination or corruption of an Obama....

NOW I MUST VENT:
My mother, with her little cute ass, has been telling me for most of my life that my temper is too short and that I spend too much time being angry.
BUUUUUUUUTTTTT, something has GOT to change with traffic procedures.
In the last 2 days, I have flipped an absolute shit about 4, 076 times while waiting at 4 way stops.
IT IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT!!! People sit there, lose their turn, and then insist that you go, only to accelerate themselves. And then there is always a third party that KNOWS that it is not their turn to go, but sees the confusion and tries to weasel their way through the intersection.
I HATE THAT!!! It, along with so many other things, crucifies my soul and I will conquer this evil, if it's the last thing I do. Ugh.

I was good luck yesterday, I suppose. Brandon's boys lost by 2. Only 2.
Gladys and Rons was fucking amazing...and we ate in like 12 minutes.
Maize has declared a name change to either Bunyun or Maizey...I think I'll go with Maizey.
I'm excited about the weekend trip to NY
I think if I had grown up calling my father daddy instead of dad, I would be even more spoiled...perhaps I would get a 6 figure monthly allowance.

I'm a sly bitch and I love it....holler.

I Seldom Have Cash

I Love Homesless People...they are truly some of the most beautiful people on Earth. I have a lot of homesless friends in DC.....BUT...there's a problem with the Homeless Industry.

1. Homeless people's entire (well main) source of revenue are gifts from people that they come into contact with. Idk if they have noticed a decline in revenue over the last few years, but it seems to me that the homeless business will one day become obsolete, as most people don't carry cash anymore. And for clarity, I'm not saying that being homeless will cease to exist, but the business of being homeless sure doesn't seem to have a bright future.

AND JUST FOR RANDOMS SAKE:
-It's bothersome when homeless people ask for random, odd numbers of change. (i.e. "Can I just have 7 cents?") I mean, honestly, just go for the whole dollar.
A. It is not likely that I just happen to have a nickel and 2 pennies, nor 7 pennies...and even if i do, are we really going to stand here, in DC, with all the possibility of being robbed in the world, and wait for me to locate all of that change??
B. Set your sights high. If, in fact, whatever endeavour you need this change for only requires 7 cents, pocket the other 93 cents. And if whatever it is that you're doing only requires 7 cents, you'll be good...for a while.

Ok..that's all.
"School Me Brotha!"

COOL MIXED DRINK

SIDENOTE BEFORE I BEGIN: THERE IS NOT A SINGLE COOL FONT ON THIS THING. BOO.

OKAY, SO I DON'T KNOW IF ITS BLOG ETIQUETTE TO WRITE SOMETHING EVERYDAY, OR EVERY HOUR LIKE MY HYPE ASS DID YESTERDAY, BUT MING HAS BEEN BEGGING FOR AN UPDATE TO DETER HER FROM ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION IN CLASS..LOL. (OOPS, DID I WRITE THAT OUT LOUD?)

**I HAD AN AWESOME TIME LAST NIGHT WITH BABOOSHKA. WE WENT TO FRIDAYS (WHICH, AS THE YEARS GO BY, IT BECOMES APPARENT IS HIS TRUE SANCTUARY) ANYWAY, I LOVE GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE. FIRST, WE FREAKING WALK IN...AT AROUND 10:30..WHICH OF COURSE MEANT THE PLACE WAS OVERFLOWING WITH PEOPLE AND THERE WERE NO BOOTHS AVAILABLE.....NOT.

SO THE HOSTESS WALKS US BY LIKE 3 OPEN BOOTHS AND ATTEMPTS TO SEAT US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE FUCKING RESTAURANT AT THIS LITTLE TABLE. DUDE, I'M 7FT TALL AND HE'S CLEARLY 10...WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US?

SO I TELL HER THAT WE'LL WAIT FOR A BOOTH AND WAIT AT THE BAR.

OH THE BAR...LOL. SO THERE WAS THIS LADY SITTING NEXT TO BRANDON...RED..I MEAN LIKE RED KOOL AID RED STREAKS IN HER HAIR, LOUDEST PERSON IN THE PLACE AND HER CRACK SHAT ON MINE...

IT STARTED LIKE AT THE BACK OF HER NECK AND WENT INTO HER PANTS. IT WA ALSO STRANGELY WIDE AND I FEEL LIKE IT HELD SOME MAGICAL POWERS. ANYWAY, BRANDON COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT IT..LOL. HE WAS LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE. AND WHEN WE FINALLY GOT A BOOTH (BUT NO WAITER, OR MENUS FOR 30 MINUTES), HE TOOK THE LONG WAY JUST TO GET ONE FINAL LOOK AT IT. HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE CRACKS LIKE THAT DESERVE A SPECIAL NAME...LIKE JUWANNA OR SOMETHING.

FROM THERE WE WENT TO OUR BILLIARDS SPOT. (WHERE YOU CAN GET THE BEST INTOXICATION OF YOUR LIFE FOR LIKE 10 DOLLARS...BEAUTIFUL)

INTERESTING SIGHTS THERE:
-RUSSIAN MAFIA, DECKED OUT IN ALL BLACK THAT WERE PLOTTING RUNNING A TRAIN ON THIS DRUNK LADY ALL NIGHT.
-THE DRUNK LADY, WHO I DANCED WITH. SHE ACTUALLY HAD A LITTLE BIT OF RHYTHM. SHE DID THE CABBAGE PATCH, THE RUNNING MAN...AND SOME OTHER...SEEMINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE MOVEMENTS. SHE WAS DOING SO WELL, BUT SHE KEPT DOING THIS WEIRD LIKE CLAW THING WITH HER HANDS...SO I WAS FORCED TO CUT HER.
-THE CUTEST LITTLE GAY MAN, WHO BRANDON WAS SURE WAS WEARING BABY PHAT JEANS..LOL. THEY WERENT BABY PHAT, BUT THEY WERE SO SMALL AND CUTE....ALMSOT LIKE POLLY POCKET CLOTHES.

ANYWAY, I WHOOPED ASS ALL NIGHT AND WE PLAYED FOR KISSES...YES, I KNOW..PDA..

WELL, I CAN'T REALLY SAY IN A NUTSHELL ANYMORE BECAUSE I'VE BABBLED ON FOR SO LONG, BUT LONGER STORY LONG, I HAD A GREAT TIME. I LAUGHED LIKE I WAS IN A ROMANTIC COMEDY AND THE SLEEPOVER FOLLOWING WAS REMINSCENT OF A SCENE FROM THE NOTEBOOK. YAY.


****I THOUGHT OF AN AWESOME TATTOO IDEA....AND A SUPER SEXY PLACE TO PUT IT.. WHICH WILL TAKE THE GRAND TOTAL TO......

16!!!

I THINK THAT'S ALL FOR NOW...

I'M GOING TO SUPPORT LOVER'S BASKETBALL TEAM SHORTLY.
I'M DRINKING THE MOST DELICIOUS, FRIGIDLY COLD DISTILLED WATER OF MY LIFE...EUPHORIA.
I DIDN'T LOSE MY DEBIT CARD.
SOME FREAKING ASSHOLE HIT ME APPARENTLY AND KNOCKED MY SIDE MIRROR..WHAT A DICKHEAD, HE COULD HAVE AT LEAST LEFT A NOTE.
MY UGGS ARE DISGUSTINGLY DIRTY, BUT I REFUSE TO PART WITH THEM
CONGRATULATIONS MAIZE...ACADEMIC GOOD FOOT GRIND LOOKS GOOD ON YOU...NOW FOR THE JOINT WEDDINGS, A LITTLE EMILIO ESTEVEZ, AND COGNAC FOR LOVE.


hOLLER

<3 jUsT fOr YOU

I love you more than Tristan loved Isolde because

-I would've clearly stood up at the Gladiator match and run off with you then..forget the fighting

-I WOULD'VE BEEN HONEST WITH THE KING..."SORRY BUD, THE MISSING HAND THING IS GROSS, PLUS, I'M ALREADY TAKEN"

-No love making in the woods...we have an entire castle

Finally, our names would look a million times better in lights. We are just that great...and even though there are evil lords who would love nothing more than to take our love kingdom, it'll never happen..

The Life of a Long Fellow

I'm almost positive that Ming, Maize, and I will one day take over the world.

And the resulting world will be filled with alcohol, tacos, CPK, distilled water, SOFAS and Lazy Boys, German slang, shower chats, strange accents, emotional boys, GALLOPS TO RITE AID, pILE OF SHIT LOOKS,, ANTI GOOD FOOT TENDENCIES FOR WEEKS AT A TIME, sNACK dEPRIVATION, STORY TIME TRANSCRIPTS, utilities...oh utitilites, pounds of cheese, silent school rides, Blessings from Pedro, WHITE BOARD GAMES THAT LAST FOR HOURS.. kitchen chats, an overflow of unopened mail, mani-pedis, PORCH SIDE PUFFS,bedroom gymnastic stunts, a personal crew of locals (who clean up well), loving alley hoodlums, a never ending cycle of flat tires and tows, TV nights, fire, Chawlee accents, a shortage of cups, sporatic, updating yells down the hallway, delicious left over, poster meals for poverty, an overflow of computers (Macs especially), animation, a breach of academic integrity, awesome playlists and tunage man bashing and cocktails at the round table, abuse, sarcasm, love, but most importantly...GIGGLES.

**I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE TAKEOVER**

NUMBER TWO!

Okay, it just looked awful with one post. It tugged on my soul a bit.

Texting may possibly be one of the things in the center of my universe..and BBM is a life and time destroyer.

At the same time, I wish my mom and dad text'd.

I love randomness...and I strive to epitomize it. Good day.

"In The Beginning There Was....."

I've always thought it ridiculously strange to blog. However, recently, I have had so many thoughts fighting to transform from an idea to an expression that I've been going slightly insane. Thus, I now have a blog.

So thoughts, only 3 of you will escape and become animate.

1. BROTHER
This guy has definitely been consuming my time. I don't even really wish to extract and verbalize the history behind these thoughts, but now that I have pushed some of it out, it does feel better. I haven't even said anything, but a piece of that energy is gone....or somewhere other than in my head..rather, my soul.

I grew up with Ryan across the hall, in the car, on the way to school. Ryan deepened his voice when horny boys called, Ryan was convinced that he was taller than me, Ryan was my besty. I don't know where he has gone, but I miss him....deeply. Like ridiculously. I'm close to wandering the streets (metaphorically) and asking random people if they've seen him, because after all, what's a superhero without a freaking sidekick? I mean really, superheros usually have just one AWESOME power that can usually be demolished in a matter of seconds once they step their game up and go beyond the village walls. The Sidekick is the one that's been left for dead and shows up..right on time. The two, however, are integral parts of each other's existence. It is the most beautiful symbiotic relationship..ever.

So I'll be the sidekick or I'll be the superhero, but we can't just throw this idealogy to the wind.

2. SCHOOL

I am completely convinced that all of this formal education nonsense that I have been so immersed in for the last million years is a government cover-up to breed the national community into military experiments.

P.S. I STILL don't understand why I had to ask to pee, have permission to express myself, and walk in a freaking straight line to go anywhere.

3. ?
I am in dire need of underwear...like something has GOT to give. I buy underwear ALL THE TIME, but after I wear them once, they dissapear. It's winter, and I have an unusually long crack. Imagine having a chilled crack..DC wind is crazy...all of that festering and blowing around in my pants???? Not my idea of singing in the rain.